(9:18:42 AM) tangywolf: so here is the dream:
(9:18:51 AM) tangywolf: i was at some athletics convention?
(9:18:56 AM) tangywolf: i have no idea why
(9:19:03 AM) tangywolf: but i was totally there of my own volition
(9:19:17 AM) tangywolf: and i ran into some kid who i went to high school with
(9:19:22 AM) tangywolf: his parents were with him
(9:19:27 AM) tangywolf: and they were literally giants
(9:19:33 AM) broseffritzl: hahah
(9:19:35 AM) tangywolf: his dad was like 7'6"
(9:19:42 AM) tangywolf: and his mom was maybe two inches shorter than that
(9:19:56 AM) tangywolf: his dad kept showing off and like... touching the ceiling and stuff
(9:20:01 AM) tangywolf: because he was SO PROUD of his height
(9:20:16 AM) tangywolf: but while i was talking to them i noticed that my cousin was there too
(9:20:20 AM) tangywolf: so i went over to talk to him
(9:20:46 AM) tangywolf: and he was like "LOOK WHAT I CAN DO" and climbed up this pole to shimmy along a wire
(9:20:54 AM) tangywolf: he got like 3/4 of the way across and then fell
(9:20:56 AM) tangywolf: directly
(9:20:57 AM) tangywolf: on his face
(9:21:10 AM) broseffritzl: D:::
(9:21:17 AM) tangywolf: i was freaking out because it made a really gross sound when he hit the hard-wood floor
(9:21:25 AM) tangywolf: so i ran over to him
(9:21:34 AM) tangywolf: and his parents (my aunt and uncle) ran to him as well
(9:21:50 AM) tangywolf: and also a medic or something
(9:22:03 AM) tangywolf: they figured out that he had broken his chin, and they carried him off for medical treatment
(9:22:29 AM) tangywolf: so then i started walking around the convention again
(9:22:44 AM) tangywolf: and there was a place where they were showing off new equipment for taking care of athletic fields
(9:23:17 AM) tangywolf: i was swinging my lanyard around as i was walking, and i accidentally let go of it
(9:23:30 AM) tangywolf: it went into this lawnmower that was sitting out
(9:23:37 AM) tangywolf: like... a big riding mower
(9:23:42 AM) tangywolf: the PRO kind
(9:23:45 AM) broseffritzl: oh no!
(9:24:01 AM) tangywolf: so i was like "uuuugh shit" and crawled inside the mower
(9:24:06 AM) tangywolf: under the seat but above the blades
(9:24:10 AM) broseffritzl: ahahaha
(9:24:24 AM) tangywolf: still close enough to the blades that if someone turned it on it'd CHOP ME TO BITS, though
(9:24:28 AM) tangywolf: and as i was inside
(9:24:38 AM) tangywolf: someone got on the mower and started driving it
(9:24:52 AM) tangywolf: i could tell he was driving it outside to DEMONSTRATE its mowing ability
(9:25:04 AM) broseffritzl: noooooooooooo
(9:25:15 AM) tangywolf: and i started freaking out and yelling "DON'T TURN ON THE BLADES OH GOD PLEASE DON'T TURN ON THE BLADES I'M INSIDE THE MOWER"
(9:25:37 AM) tangywolf: i managed to reach my hand out and hit the driver's foot, and he finally stopped
(9:25:49 AM) tangywolf: then he reached down and sorta dragged me out from inside the mower
(9:26:15 AM) broseffritzl: that was a close call
(9:26:22 AM) tangywolf: oh it still IS a close
(9:26:23 AM) tangywolf: call
(9:26:27 AM) tangywolf: there's a lot more
(9:26:28 AM) tangywolf: haha
(9:26:36 AM) tangywolf: alright, so the guy pulls me out
(9:26:44 AM) tangywolf: and i stand up and sit in the seat next to him
(9:26:53 AM) tangywolf: because for some reason it's like... a cushioned bench
(9:26:57 AM) tangywolf: instead of a normal seat on a mower
(9:27:09 AM) tangywolf: and he's like "BOY YOU COULDA BEEN KILLED"
(9:27:20 AM) tangywolf: i was like "yeah i know. thanks for your help."
(9:27:22 AM) tangywolf: then he like
(9:27:27 AM) tangywolf: starts fondling my crotch :|
(9:27:42 AM) broseffritzl: what :|
(9:27:49 AM) broseffritzl: I even whispered "what" to myself
(9:28:11 AM) tangywolf: haha
(9:28:20 AM) tangywolf: so i grabbed his arm
(9:28:24 AM) tangywolf: and pushed it away
(9:28:32 AM) tangywolf: and said "uh. i'm going to leave now."
(9:28:50 AM) tangywolf: he said "no you're not" and pulled out this really ornate pistol
(9:28:55 AM) tangywolf: it was BEAUTIFUL
(9:29:00 AM) tangywolf: and i think it was made of silver
(9:29:21 AM) tangywolf: because i was sitting right next to him, though, i just reached over and grabbed it out of his hand
(9:29:40 AM) tangywolf: then jumped off the mower and ran a little distance away, pointing the gun at the guy
(9:29:51 AM) tangywolf: he pulled out ANOTHER gun, so i just shot at him
(9:30:06 AM) tangywolf: the bullets fell really fast for some reason, so i had to aim way above him to hit him
(9:30:28 AM) tangywolf: i missed a bunch of times while he was loading the second gun, but just as he was about to shoot at me i actually hit him once
(9:30:36 AM) tangywolf: and as he recoiled in pain i kept shooting
(9:30:39 AM) tangywolf: hitting him a second time
(9:31:16 AM) tangywolf: i was pretty sure he was dead then, so i got in my car and started driving away (this bit happened in the parking lot, so my car was nearby)
(9:31:47 AM) tangywolf: once i was a few blocks away i stopped the car and called 911 to tell them that i'd just killed a dude in the parking lot at the athletics convention
(9:31:54 AM) tangywolf: and explained what had happened
(9:32:03 AM) tangywolf: they told me to just go home and that they'd be in contact or something like that
(9:32:30 AM) tangywolf: but on the way home i saw lang walking on a sidewalk, so i stopped to pick him up
(9:33:02 AM) tangywolf: i was still kinda frantic and adrenaline-filled from what had happened, so i was driving a little bit erratically
(9:33:10 AM) tangywolf: and there was snow and ice on the ground
(9:33:34 AM) tangywolf: at a stoplight i rear-ended the person in front of me because my car slid into them
(9:33:45 AM) tangywolf: so we both got out of our cars
(9:33:54 AM) tangywolf: the guy i hit was about my age and had two girls with him
(9:33:59 AM) tangywolf: and they were all really cool and friendly
(9:34:12 AM) tangywolf: i told them why i was freaking out and apologized for my reckless driving
(9:34:18 AM) tangywolf: and the guy was like "oh dude. it's cool."
(9:34:28 AM) tangywolf: then he sorta popped out some of the dents somehow?
(9:34:37 AM) tangywolf: the car didn't look perfect, but it looked decent
(9:34:54 AM) tangywolf: and it turned out the only damaged part was his trunk
(9:35:03 AM) tangywolf: i gave him my insurance info, and i guess that was the end of the dream v0v

(I recorded, acidicfizz edited.)

It was the middle of November last year when I had the closest thing to a real mental breakdown that I've ever experienced. For several nights in a row I lay on the thin Berber carpet in one of the lightless study lounges or on a low wall in a nearby parking garage, sobbing and wishing for some private space and for some respite from all of my responsibilities. It was the furthest thing from productive; all of the issues that were bothering me were still there after numerous hours of self-pity, but further compacted by the time I had wasted. My work piled up, and each new assignment or stressor worsened my languor.

When finally I garnered the determination to pull myself up out of the gutter, it was only through a series of forgeries, deceptions, dodgy shortcuts, and lies (told to myself just as frequently as to others) that I was able to do so. It wasn’t an elegant recovery, but it was an effective one. I made it through the semester with satisfactory academic and social performance, retaining my scholarships and all of the friends who really mattered to me.

I know that I frequently appeared to be emotionally distant and on-edge during this period. I’m thankful that the people surrounding me were able to put up with my shortcomings, especially during a time when many of them were experiencing (and much more efficiently dealing with) feelings very similar to my own.

I bring this up now because I can feel myself beginning to slip into a mindset similar to the one formerly described. While I have preserved most of the relationships that I had then, I’ve also added quite a few. I want all of those people to understand that if I seem short-tempered or snappy, I apologize. There are things that I am dealing with internally on a level that is not easily explained. I’m starting to feel like the world is closing in on me; burying me in labor and failure and sentiment. There are those who I will begin to push away (try not to take it personally) and there those to whom I will cling (let me know if I am smothering you).

I apologize in advance for all of my faults and weaknesses, and the ill effects that they have on the people I love.

Word of the Month:

drowning

I feel like I've gotten significantly less boring in real life, but much more so online.

Sry.

I don't really like myself in either plane of existence.

Because I'm a procrastinating idiot.

I have three weeks of life drawing homework to do in two nights, in addition to getting a portfolio together for individual critique and writing two papers on gallery visits and exhibitions.

I don't feel like I get to talk to Fritz anywhere near enough either, and that really stresses me out.

My priorities are so incredibly fucked.

I bought a DSi. This purchase is mostly in preparation for Okamiden, but also because I wanted to get Scribblenauts and have something to do at work when I don't have homework.

Every time I spend money on video games I feel a little guilty, but I've had a lot of fun with the DSi so far.  Alyssa and I spent several hilarious hours with the camera, distorting and mirroring and the like. The free Flipnote Studio application is a surprisingly powerful tool for creating little animations. I was a little disappointed with the application that allows you to mess with recorded sounds (you can only record ten seconds at a time, and the effects are very limited), but then again I was surprised that such a feature even existed.

I guess now that I have a job I shouldn't feel so bad about spending money. Still, something about buying a portable game system seems just a little bit sketchy when I was complaining a month ago about not being able to afford clothing, text books, and art supplies.

I keep receiving comments about how I look like I've lost weight, and indeed my waist size continues to shrink. (I'm going to need a new belt pretty soon.) However, I haven't lost any actual weight. In fact, I've gained a little. I also haven't gotten any taller. What gives?

I had a little bit of Nate's Killian's last night and it didn't taste like utter shit. I guess I just like darker beers. Still, I prefer Smirnoff Ice because I'm a girl. :D

Also I spent last weekend in Indiana with bandach, in case anybody missed that. It was wonderful, and I plan on doing it again relatively soon. I wish that he could come here instead, but as things currently stand, I'm the one who has a car and therefore I'm the one who must do the traveling. (It's not the driving that I mind; it's just that I really do enjoy being in Akron. It feels like home. Besides, it's frustrating to be away from my friends for several days at a time.) Maybe Fritz will help pay for gas next time hint hint wink wink. :3

One more fun fact: I just found out that The University of Akron owns an Island in Second Life. I cannot even fathom how they justified spending that money.

"Bright Eyes, composed mostly of singer/songwriter Conor Oberst, embodied all the things I was. He was young, overtly sad and filled with an unwavering amount of despair."

A multitude of people told me that I should sell t-shirts with this design, so I decided to give it a shot. Apologies for CafePress's horrible selection of colors and styles. If anyone knows of a better site that I could use, let me know.

I should mention that a.) I got the job and start on Monday, and b.) I bought a $900 car (a beat up '94 Acura Integra). I plan on driving said car to Indiana next weekend to spend a couple of days with Fritz.

The "interview" today was less an interview and more being told that, assuming my class schedule doesn't conflict too horribly with the hours during which I'm needed, I pretty much have the job.

Should be nice, since it's right across the sidewalk from where I live and I'll be working with one of my best friends. Not to mention the pay is higher than minimum wage (if only by seventy cents an hour) and I'll be able to use AIM and IRC while I work.

Today was productive. I got lots of free food, spent time with friends, and lined up a job interview for a part-time IT job on campus.

Many moons ago, I decided on a whim to become a vegetarian. I gave my friends a multitude of explanations for this abrupt decision in order to lessen their complaints about how difficult it is to go out to eat with a vegetarian. (Frankly, that's bullshit. Very few restaurants are without decent vegetarian options. I could understand this complaint with veganism, however.)

The truth is that I had no good reason for the change. I just wanted to test myself.

Anyway, the point of this entry is to say that I've convinced myself that I'm fully capable of vegetarianism. It wasn't even difficult. But now that I've tried it and found that it has no perceptible benefits, I'm going back to my old ways.

I probably should have seen this coming. My brother called me a couple of minutes ago and asked if he could give me like sixty bucks for repairing "his" TV. Of course I had to say yes. Any other answer would have put me in an extremely awkward position.

Apparently when he said I could have the TV unconditionally, unconditionally meant under the condition that I couldn't fix it. I wish people wouldn't take advantage of my kindness and fear of being disliked.

C'est la vie.

When Ryan came over to get the TV, he realized he was being a dick and told me I can keep it. I guess he's a better person than I thought. (But now I'm the one who gets to feel like a jerk.)

As I was cleaning and preparing for the bonfire that I hosted on Friday, I found a bag of old computer parts in my closet. I didn't want to throw them away, so I figured I'd find a place that would recycle them. After locating such a place, I called my dad to ask if he had any old stuff that I could recycle on the same trip. He said he didn't have anything, but reminded me that my brother had a broken 37" Polaroid 720p HDTV sitting in his garage. I said I didn't feel comfortable giving that up just yet, and ended up asking my brother if I could just have it. He certainly had no use for a broken TV, and it had already been replaced with a 47" Philips 1080i. Ryan agreed to give me the "piece of junk."

After about an hour of research, I came across someone who was having the exact same problem with their Polaroid FLM-323B. When plugged in, the TV displayed the red standby light. When the power button was pressed the light turned blue as it was supposed to, but the TV never actually turned on. The fellow had managed to fix this problem by replacing two blown capacitors on the TV's control board. I deemed this solution worthy of an attempt.

Due to time constraints, I wasn't able to purchase the replacement caps until earlier today. I found them at Radio Shack for a total of $5.09 (tax included). I came home, removed the old caps (it was clear they were blown due to some very visible bulging), and soldered in the new ones. After returning the control board to its rightful place, I plugged the TV in, pressed the power button, and held my breath.

Nothing happened for the first couple of seconds, and I said something along the lines of, "well shit." Shortly thereafter, however, the Polaroid logo popped up and the TV powered on as it should.

Everything still seems to be working normally. I have my laptop plugged into the TV via a VGA port and I'm using it as a monitor. It's looking like I just got a 37" HDTV (originally purchased at a price of around $800) for $5.09. My brother is gonna be sooooo pissed. :3

[3:14:29 AM] mattes345: gabu is an assbandit :(

---------------------